Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Step by step

Text I wrote yesterday (04/28/2008):

It's very impressive how people can control and guide their energy doing things they enjoy. Right now I can't, but I'll try that fo'shizzle (that's for Bryon).

Lately I just want to be in peace with myself (yes I know, who doesn't), of course I know I wont get it soon, cause I'm always worried abt something and that's hard to revert back, but lately I feel I can easily approach to certain peace or tranquility..

Today it was a good day for that. I came home "early" from work so I went for a run sooner than before, maybe it was that, maybe the sunny day, maybe the 2 su-do-ku's (1 easy, 1 difficult) from the last page of the newspaper that I resolve every day on my way to work or maybe this routine I'm trying to generate.. but I felt like running so I ran more than lately, doing better times and without feeling exausted (as some of the times).. I made this spreadsheet to have a record of my times.. maybe one day soon I'll be running a 10k again..

Paperwork: Tomorrow I'll go to get my spanish birth certificate, after so many inconvenients (actually just a 2 months strike) it seems that the waiting worth it.. I hope I can get tomorrow also my ID.

Today´s update:

After 4,5 hs I got my ID!! I had to re-do the birth certificate cause it was wrong.. what a bureaucracy!!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The deep vacuum of space

Nothing to say, nothing to feel, but many things to think abt..

I'm training more, I'm reading more, I'm trying to eat healthier and I'm trying to be at peace with myself, a state I haven´t reached since a very long time ago.. I think I need something I still cannot find.. time will tell.. I definitly still have to learn a lot from this life..

I feel like in a limbo of mixed thoughts, I'm afraid to think of a future or past beyond a couple months. I know I just have to live this present, which in some point represents stability. But I'm really not sure of how long will this last..

There are some "new" pictures in my web album from one of my last days in Argentina:
       At Ana's house


Reading: I finished The Zahir and started (I'm in the first 1/3 of the way right now) Thus spoke Zaratustra which makes me think a lot abt some things beyond this world.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Thoughts all over the place

Yes I know, a long time since the last post.. and as usual, I'm sorry again. For sure this is a very difficult post, cause it's the first one since I came to Spain.

[Past]    Expectations

I came here looking for a change in my life, maybe some knowledge, maybe a better future, maybe an answer for any of my questions.. I feel I didn't find any of them yet and I really don't know if I will at some point.. I just hope so..

[Present]    Imagination <> Reality

Once again life showed me that thinking abt some possibility in the future is completely different than living that moment.

I've started to work at a company I'm sure you've all heard of, but unfortunately the contract has been made through a consulting company which is not my ideal but taking in consideration that is my first job here I accepted it.

I'm considering the idea of me being bipolar (I can't stop thinking how many conflicts this word has created) cause I'm so happy at one moment and so sad the next.. I sometimes feel full and surrounded by peace and friends, but one second later I feel so lonely and that I'll be like that all this life.


Reading: Some days ago I bought "The Zahir". I've read half of it and I think it's very good cause these kind of books (very easy to read) help me to get into the habit of reading again.